pleasure in pain

image/artist: anguish, artist unknown

what pleasure lies there
in the recess of suffering
dormant ... brooding
a dark sort of pleasure

i felt it, you know
invading my brain cells
i WANTED to hurt him --
that weak, vulnerable
and special one

special?
yes ...
meaning --
not like the others

and it felt good
to turn my love for him
into lust for his pain
and then pierce him
with my poisoned arrows

in his retreat
he retaliated
i wished,
in some twisted way,
to see him writhing
see his face contorted in grief
see the tears trickle
from his sad, empty eyes

to know
that i caused him suffering
a great pleasure --
pleasure of pain?

fallen angel tears

image/artist: ange et demon by artist unknown

tumbled to the ground
silent, flowing, gushing
abject sadness spilling
from her deep brown eyes
burdened, like her heart,
by a beast called remorse

what have i done?
she asked herself ruefully
what have i done?
ebb and flow
remorse and anger
ebb and flow
shame and sorrow
what have i done

fallen angel tears
smashing
onto the parched earth
trickling
into its giant crevices
my wings ...
broken? bruised?
blackened

fallen angel
so thirsty
deperately thirsty for
a sip of forgiveness
even just a spoonful
a morsel, a drop

will you surrender
forgiveness?
to this fallen angel?
with my words
i cut a gash
in your heart and soul
your cruel, malicious, selfish
fallen angel

my wings,
blackened and hardened
like immovable iron
ravaged by
my fall from
grace and love

and so i live with thirst
unceasing, unquenchable
and the ebb and flow
of remorse and shame
in my dungeon

~+++~

ABOUT THIS POEM: reflecting on hurting someone deeply ... a poem about feeling remorseful ... and ashamed. and the notion that forgiveness is like surrender. its easy to feel sorry for commiting a wrong. its difficul surrendering -- to forgive a wrong.

junkie -- a cinquain

image: NZ needle exchange programme

junkie
slave to a drug
sells her body for a fix
engulfed -- savage shame
vein filth

wild-eyed dream

image: roxi g

I felt the needle enter my vein
Morpheus raced down the track
My track, obliterating my track
Morpheus swallowed me, whole
The purple crocus sneered at me,
poking its head through the damp, cold earth
Grass blades, the colour of freshly vomited bile,
snickering - muffled munckin chortles and giggles
Eery sway of tree
branches crackling like decrepit floor boards
Mournful, haunting faces in gnarled, knotted trunks
Smoke plume - a twisting corkscrew of smoke engulfs me
Her face appeared - old, sunken, dark
She opened her grotesque mouth:
a votex, nothing else
The whispered crackle of rotting flesh,
the sweet sickly pungent odour of dying meat
maggots, teaming maggots
Loud glint - blinding
Vision ebbs to shadows
A shrieking siren
Red light, blue light

~+++~

ABOUT THIS POEM: about a junkie - an intravenous drug user. at some point, death becomes an escape from the slavery of addiction. that's what this describes.

sadistic

image/artist: eyreequel by enayla

i wish i could see his pain
i think about him
simply for that--
simply because
i wonder what it looks like
his pain
his suffering
his longing
does he have such?

what does it sound like?
the sound of his pain?
his sobs?
silent weeping?
or ...?
gutteral cries?


i long to hear
to feel ... to see
to get a wisp
a slivery thread
of his torment

to see him shimmer
in his darkness
glow in his sorrow

why ---
does it make my heart leap
to think of the weak, passive one
in the chains of sorrow?